Lessons from 2020

I subscribe to Mark Manson's newsletter "Mindf*ck Monday". If you don't know him yet, he is this young-ish (actually my age) writer who dispenses life advice from the more practical, sobering and Stoic end of the spectrum (of self-help). See his Youtube channel (a gold mine) here.

I'm familiar with many "self-help" literature (being that I used to gobble these authors up since I was in high school) and I like Mark's no-nonsense style. Like a big brother you chat with from time to time, who has traveled a little farther and seen a little more than you. 

Anyway, he asked his readers for their most important life lessons from 2020 and I wanted to share mine. I have not yet written about my birth experience, baby's first few months, etc (they will come in time) but I felt like sharing this as it was time-sensitive. Plus the last few weeks of a year usually get me in the writing/ reflecting mood.

1. The "worst case scenario" - no matter how much we bastardized it/ feared it/ had nightmares for weeks about it - is ACTUALLY surmountable. 

It really IS something we can live through. I had to stop work with my high-risk pregnancy, my husband lost his business. Since March until now, we have been stretching our savings and relying on the generosity of family & friends. We still manage to laugh over a movie and experience joy.

2. I envy my past-self the "worries" I had last year. 

I find myself being grateful over the littlest, simplest things --- which at the end of the day, turn out to be the most important after all. I had spent my wedding-planning year worrying about the color of the table runners or that the bridesmaid's dresses clashed with the major sponsor's dresses, etc. Now, I am thankful for a mildly boring day. No one I know has died or gotten sick, we got some financial help from our country's (Philippines) social security agency, we avoided a 3-hour stretch of highway traffic.

3. Your partner is one of the MOST important elements that could make/break your sanity this lockdown period. 

Our country was one of the longest to enforce lockdowns (close to 3 months, give or take). The fact that we could carry on a conversation, respected each other's "quiet times", learned and relearned the best way to fight/make up, did chores side by side --- all of these strengthened our first year of marriage in a way no other 'calamity' could.

4. Travel as much as you can. 

This was a posthoumous realization as no one could have predicted that the pandemic would have grounded the airline/tourism industry to the degree it has. For some reason, I had so many local & international trips in 2019 - both cheap & expensive. They formed some of my best 'fantasy scenarios' when I coped with temporary pandemic slump by telling myself that even though my future travel prospects were glum, I had "sat at the table and eaten/drunk till I was full." :-) 

5. Health (what we do to our body, what we ingest - food, social media or just any media in general, what we expose it to) is top billing. 

6. You really only need 1-2 quality friends to allay loneliness and/or boredom. Pandemic was the period of time I spent the least posting and scrolling on Facebook.

HS BFFs annual get-together from 4 Christmases ago...

7. (However....) Fake news can beget "real" news. 

The invisible mob has been one of the scariest threats (apart from the virus) and listening/watching/commenting (hence participating) is sooooo tempting. This has actually replaced my Facebook time, hence I cannot claim that I made 100% good use of my time during the lockdown.

8. Time is what you make of it. 

I spent probably the first month moping around and unable to accept the reality that this was going to be a long stretch. It was as if I was on "vacation mode" - didn't bother to bathe everyday, watched and ate junk, wasted entire afternoons. I was MISERABLE even though I had DREAMED about something like this ever since college/med school. But now, it wasn't so hot... and that's a lot coming from an extreme introvert like me. 

At the same time, fears/anxieties about the future plagued me. Nothing was certain, all a standstill. I felt helpless.

It was when I started doing purposeful things (created an organization with my fellow pediatricians in the community, listened and learned from academic lectures, started writing again, reading about my pregnancy, etc) that I started to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Even though I had no idea if it would really make any difference at the end of the day, the act of being engaged in something other than hedonistic, headless activities was the end in itself.

Mothers and daughters... funny how distance and time apart can bring us all closer together.. :-*

Mark's post which summarizes the entire readership's response can be found here.

My own realizations, life lessons, mama chronicles will come trickling soon. These past early months of LO (little one) have been a test of my time management skills (or the lack thereof). As the year (finally) ends and another begins, I hope and pray with the rest that we shall leave the ugly memories of this year behind and cherish the (hard-won) lessons its challenges have brought us instead.

Cheers!